Yeah, I’m feeling it. I’m feeling the burn baby.
Burned out. Overwhelmed. Weighed down.
See that picture above? Just ready to disappear with your next mouse scroll down? That paints it perfectly.
Traveling through a dark valley of semi-hopelessness littered with feelings of despair.
A quagmire. Something like a cement cesspool that slowly solidifies with each step I make. It seems like each step is half the stride of the previous. So even though I’m moving forward, I will never reach the place I want or need to be.
How often do you feel like this?
I’ve been struggling to bring myself to write positive posts for my readers. No matter how hard I try, it ain’t happening. A month ago I was posting several times a day.
Now I’m finding it hard to get the motivation up to write at all. Even though I know there is a reader out there struggling with real thoughts of brokenness, pain, hurt, and their reality.
I don’t like to concentrate on the negatives of my depression. Of dealing with my Specter. I want this page to be real for my readers, but I also want it to provide hope. With a balance of reality I want it to bring my readers up, not down.
So this is where I’m going to let my vulnerability speak. This is one of those times when my talk is going to walk.
I’m going to write through this.
I’m going to forgive myself.
I’m going to offer myself grace, just like the Lord has shown me His Grace.
I’m going to remind myself that I’m perfectly imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay.
Thank you for bearing with me and for your support through this rough stuff we all experience for a time.
Maybe now would be a good time for us to all reach out to someone we haven’t said hi to in a while. Someone whom we know is hurting and needs another to reach out and show they care.
Can we do that before our day is out?
I’m going to challenge myself to do that. If you have the strength, will you join me? Your time may be another day and that is perfectly okay. But do it when you find the strength. Someone’s life could be depending on your call.
-Chris
surviving the specter 
Mom of 3
04/21/2015 at 19:16
Chris, sometimes I think it’s in the times of weakness that we learn the most. Grace. Yes, give yourself lots of it. We are often hardest on ourselves, aren’t we. You are an encouragement in your realness and vulnerability. What you write needs to be read by others, even the hard parts. I will be lifting you up in prayer!
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Surviving the Specter
04/21/2015 at 20:34
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and kindness, Lisa. It’s refreshing to have you as part of my support network. Thank you for your prayers, my friend.
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bkmoore
04/20/2015 at 17:56
These are familiar thoughts and feelings. Thank you for your vulnerability in pressing in, or being still, or moving forward. Whatever today offers to you. I’m lifting you up my friend!
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Surviving the Specter
04/20/2015 at 18:58
Thank you SOsoso much for your generous thoughts. They always mean the world to me.
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mistakenldy
04/20/2015 at 17:05
Forgiveness and grace are two components every soul needs especially during the tough stuff Surviving’. Your “realness” is hope to your readers in allowing others to know they are not alone in the valleys as well as all the positive you give in your blog. Each time someone stops by reading through your posts they are able to see how much you have overcome yet still walk through, not giving up. Get it off your soul and it may help you to feel better while touching another. Thank you for such transparency with your journey. Keep putting one foot in front of the other never forgetting to reach out to those in your circle of support. Even if that means space for yourself, I’m sure they will understand. 🙂 Hope you are having a better day and remember they are just a moment away!
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tpcsufian
04/20/2015 at 15:58
Being real is helping people, even if it is negative. Unfortunately negativity is very relateble.
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Surviving the Specter
04/20/2015 at 16:10
Thank you for the reminder, Sufian. Your support is greatly appreciated.
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tpcsufian
04/20/2015 at 16:18
That means a lot to me 🙂
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morgueticiaatoms
04/20/2015 at 15:45
It’s good to be positive. But to me it seems you’re feeling guilty for writing a “negative” post. Cut yourself some slack. The reality of it all is, sometimes we all have these days and it’s not pretty. But sharing it, venting it…It can only be therapeutic for you, as well as others who may be feeling the same thing, thinking it’s not normal. For “specter” it is just one of the variables that comprise a norm for some.
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Surviving the Specter
04/20/2015 at 16:06
Thank you for the reminder to cut myself some slack. I appreciate your support always.
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