TRIGGER WARNING-This post deals with how I felt the night of my suicide attempt.
I hope you will scroll down and continue reading after the words, which I’ve typed out in text format.
I had a little trigger, that pushed me all the way
To hang myself upon my door, I couldn’t make it go away
I knocked it down with sleeping pills, and tucked it in with rum
The Specter slashed his razor claws, the round had slipped into the gun
I had a little trigger, that pulled itself real tight
I slipped the belt around my neck, I lost the will to fight
I cut it off with leather cinched, this time would be the last
I’d ever have to take again, the demons from my past
I had a little trigger, it jabbed me in my throat
To end the crap that smeared itself, across the lies it wrote
The failures, loss, resentment, of a thousand dreaded days
To suck out all the happiness, replaced it with the grey that stays
The trigger pulled, the hammer fell
The firing pin, that sealed my hell
Waiting while the light fades out
Extinguishing without a shout
Thank you if you are still reading.
My name is Chris, and on September 14th of 2014 I hanged myself.
I’ve been away for a while…pursuing a graduate certificate in eLearning.
But just mostly away…
Apathetic. I really can’t shake it.
I’ve been on a roll of laziness and sloth.
Driven to the hinterlands of the gray by the chemical reaction of the chemicals I take, to balance the effects of the chemicals I make.
I’m still in that chemical funk but wanted to force myself to write something in the interim. Thank you for my dear friends who have reached out to check on me. I am indebted to your caring, kindness.
p.s. – in lieu of recent WP changes, would someone please let me know how we are to link back to previous posts?