I went to see my doc today about my meds. He had me on 40mg of Lexapro and 15mg of Abilify. Since the side effects have remained the same (apathy, disinterest in life, etc.) he upped the Abilify to 20mg for the next four weeks. He said that if that change doesn’t help, then he would switch out the Abilify for something else. Read the rest of this entry »
Tag Archives: blogging
If you’re a follower of my blog, you’re probably thinking I finally got my meds tweeked. No such luck. Hopefully, that’ll come tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted. Read the rest of this entry »
For the purposes of this post, we’ll entitle these images, “The Creeper”, haha.
Hope everyone’s Monday has started off well!
Contextual background: Catharsis of Ur wakes to find himself in a room recovering from the attack of the Wahrlog, Specter. He was rescued by angelic sentries after trying to take his life in order to avoid the attack from Specter.
Suggested music track: Hunger, Amaranthe
When Catharsis opened his eyes, he felt the dull stinging of burnt flesh on his face. He could smell it through the medicated jelly, covered by stained strips of papyrus bandages and mud. Read the rest of this entry »
This post officially begins a new category on the right side of my wall – Life. It is an area I want to open up in more to my readers. It’s not that exciting, but I’m hoping you enjoy the ride. Thank you for both your followership and your comments. I am honored to have you join me.
This past weekend I was in a bit of a pickle. On the way to my girlfriend’s house I felt my power steering go out. As I battled the steering wheel around the last two corners to her house all I could think of with this car was, “What now?!”. And I knew it wouldn’t be as simple as the power steering fluid leaking.
When I pulled to a stop in front of her house I popped the hood and braced myself before looking inside.
Okay, no parts missing. Not any big ones anyways. And nothing sprayed me in the face as if one of the many-tentacled hoses might have done if they had been compromised.
Then I started pulling on things and prodding like my ex-wife used to do when I told her something hurt. That’s when I noticed the serpentine belt – that really long one that goes around all the pulleys on the engine and basically makes a lot of parts work – was slack. I pulled on it and the whole thing came off!
When I was able to look closer, I noticed the tensioner pulley was busted and that was the reason for the belt coming off (see image below). I think the bearing froze and the whole thing just burned itself to a melted mess.
When it was finally decided what the issue was, my girlfriend went across the street to her neighbor, Daryl, and asked if he would be able to help me.
He didn’t know me.
And I didn’t know him.
He said he would help and that he would be outside in a few minutes.
A little over an hour later, and after making a couple trips to Advance Auto Parts, the Blue Beast was back in working order and safely drivable.
I thanked Daryl sincerely for his time and for helping me on such a cold and windy day and handed him $50.00 as a thank you.
I didn’t have $50.00 to give away.
I also didn’t have a couple hundred dollars to give to a mechanic either. I wish I would have because Daryl really helped me out.
I knew I would have to coax him to take the money.
But I’m glad he did.
Thank you for helping me, Daryl.
I learned some things from you that day.
And it wasn’t all about cars.
i built a little wall around
a broken little heart I found
that’d fallen out upon the ground
to save it from the hurt
i patched the hurt and kissed the pain
i hugged away the guilt and shame
i helped to make it beat again
the once l’il broken heart
I took a trip I haven’t taken in a while.
It was three hours, from Virginia to North Carolina.
To see my dad.
It meant the world to him and he was grateful and happy.
Regardless of the short distance between us, we haven’t spent much time visiting with each other. The last time I saw him was two years ago in the hospital after my suicide attempt.
I think this weekend I learned what it means, not to be a dad.
But to be a son.
Trigger Warning: This poem is about self harm. Please do not read it if this is a trigger. [UPDATED] Though I do not struggle with self harm, several of the close people in my life do, and so I wanted their words to be heard and felt here. These words put into poetic form, are from the discussions and talks I’ve had with those people.
Cut this line upon my skin
So I can feel what a pain I’ve been
Burn this flame upon my flesh
So I can control this life a mess
Drill this hole into my thigh
To take away the numb, make me feel alive
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord nobody weeps
Limp. Swaying from the rafter that supported his mud and straw-thatched roof.
He could hear the cord stretch and groan from his weight as his eyes became heavy.
Back and forth.
His eyes began to close as the cord tightened and choked off his life wind. Choking his hope. His will to live. His resilience.
He hadn’t the will to raise his arms and save himself. He could have he supposed. But he refused. He felt a calming peace blanketing him as his life energy fell through the soles of his feet, leaving his body forever.
Finally he would be free of this torment.
Finally he would have peace.
Peace from this Wahrlog of the Darkness.
The Darkness. A darkness so consuming, so debilitating, that each day was a struggle. A struggle to rise each morning. A struggle to tend to his fields. A struggle to continue life. A life coated with apathy.
He had hid it well from his fellow villagers. Masked it behind his toiling in the fields. Masked it behind his inward solitude. Disguised it with the will to be alone. To remain undiscovered and unbranded with the Stigma.
He knew others who had been discovered. Who had been branded on their forehead with the seal of their affliction – their illness. He remembered seeing the searing iron hissing as it sunk into their flesh. Leaving a soft cloud of smoke as it pushed deeper into them.
And their screams.
They were forever labeled in society by those they knew. Those they loved. Those they had children with. Their families. Their neighbors.
Some, like himself, afflicted with the darkness – the deep, dark, debilitating depression he knew since he was a child.
Others, afflicted with the fear – remnants of some past traumatic stressing life event that had ripped their soul in half, and forced them to relive their past horrors. Manifest in the forms of flashbacks and tortured by the night harpies of terror. He could hear their screams at night.
In the darkness.
Others, afflicted with the rage – elevated, hyper levels of anxiousness brought on by some outside trigger. Issuing in a brain pandemonium of paranoia and irritability. Lashing out at those whom they held closest as they wandered through their personal fog of war.
Through his closing vision, Catharsis could faintly make out the Specter emerging from the darkness. Moving closer. Stretching his pale white claws from his cloak, his talons scratching the walls of Catharsis’ mud home. Digging into the hardened clay and leaving deep cuts as chunks of adobe were ripped away. In and out of his slumber, Catharsis thought how they resembled his fields that he had just returned from. Their perfect rows whose cast shadows aligned harmoniously in the setting sun.
This was his last thought of peacefulness as Catharsis’ eyes closed.
And Specter’s grip closed around his throat.
* * *
At the instant the beast secured his grip to claim his prize, a magnificent burst of white light flooded the room.
Specter shrieked like a hung pig being bled dry and lurched back from the blazon firestorm that enshrouded the hanging body.
Two forms took their place next to the body of Catharsis. On either side, like stark angelic sentries sent to protect him from the Wahrlog. They raised their hands and in a fluid motion brought them down, lances appearing and striking the mud floor.
Specter hissed and the sentries lowered their weapons, tips pointed at its open throat.
A sentry stepped forward a crouched in the dirt, bracing itself with its weapon. Slowly and deliberately it scratched a line across the floor, fire following in a steady trail.
It retracted and regained its position.
“Though shall not pass” the two sentries whispered.
Specter lurched through the flame and in one swift movement was impaled on their spears. Instantaneously, Specter disintegrated into the light, taking with him his shadows and his darkness.
* * *
As one sentry held fast the body of Catharsis, the other swiftly swung its lance at the noose, cutting him free.
Matthew Malin will be my guest blogger this Friday night about 8:30 eastern time (U.S.)
Without taking too much away from his intro on Friday, he and I both survive with depression.
If you would like a great read and example of his writing, check out his short story, A Sheep Named Wolf. It’s an excellent moral tale of humankind.
Don’t forget to join us on Friday as Matthew talks about his experiences with depression and anxiety!
Dragons – the mightiest of the signs in the Chinese zodiac.
“They are dominant and ambitious. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.
“While Dragons frequently help others, rarely will they ask for help. Others are attracted to Dragons, especially their colorful personalities, but deep down, Dragons prefer to be alone. Perhaps that is because they’re most successful when working alone. Their preference to be alone can come across as arrogance or conceitedness, but these qualities aren’t applicable. Dragons have tempers that can flare fast!”
This award is dedicated to the loyal fan/commenter, whether the recipient is a fellow blogger or just someone who follows and comments regularly. I am gracious to Chelise of Caterpillar to Butterfly for nominating me for this award. I had fun with this.
Here are the rules:
Display the award certificate on your website.
Announce your win with a post and link to whomever presented you with the award.
Present 15 awards to deserving bloggers.
Drop them a comment to tip them off after you’ve linked them in the post.
Post 7 interesting things about yourself.
In turn here are my 15 nominees:
3. Hi, I’m Dan
11. Minds Like Ours
12. Not Quite Lost
15. Dear Hope
Here are my 7 facts about me:
1. I am a Leo, so along with the dragon, I am supersized for loyalty. Beware, Leos hold grudges forever.
2. I played drums for 12 years. Four of those were in the U.S. Marine Corps band.
3. I own my own interior art business, Willoughby Wonders. You can find it on Facebook.
4. I like to play Rockband with my friends.
5. I am self-conscious of my nose.
6. I have a lop-eared bunny, Vanessa.
7. I like to draw.
Hello. I’m Chris.
I live with severe depression and in September of 2014 I unsuccessfully hanged myself – my friends saved me.
I’ve seen some pretty interesting locations showing up in the stats portion of surviving the specter, and am interested to know where visitors are viewing from. If you would kindly let me know where you are from and what drew you to the site, I would appreciate your thoughts.
Please feel free to include any other comments or even ideas for future posts.
If you’re interested in being a guest blogger, check out the guest blogging tab and email me your work – I’d love to read what you have.
As always, thank you for taking your time to help with this project and may you find peace through your valley, my friend.
Whether you’re a follower or you just stopped in to see this cool image, would you go ahead and let us know where you live in the Comments section?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I have a VERY special guest blogger tomorrow night!
Her name is Chelise (pronounced shuh-lease) and as of tonight, she is new to blogging. She is building her site but stop by and drop her a line to welcome her – https://caterpillarandthebutterfly.wordpress.com/about/.
Chelise will be blogging on topics such as boundaries, codependence, and relationships.
Be sure to stop by tomorrow night to find out why she is so special to me. You’ll be shocked by her story.
I just created a new tab, “Guest Blogging” on my menu bar. I am super excited to start doing this as a regular part of my blog. Surprisingly, a lot of readers are confused with the idea so let me try to explain it as best I can 🙂
What Is A Guest Blog?
A guest blog is when you write a post for someone else to put on their site, or vice versa. You can be the host or you can be the blogger.
“Why the heck would I want to write a post for someone else’s blog? DUH!”
I’m glad you asked…
What Are 5 Reasons To Guest Blog?
1. First of all, it’s really fun. If you need proof, reach out to the bloggers who have been kind and giving enough to write a post on this blog. They’d be happy to share. Check out Sass’ and morgueticiaatoms guest posts. They were WON.DER.FUL. (Thank you again, ladies X) Also check out the guest post I did for the Mental Health Writer’s Guild.
2. It can also help you attract followers (since you’re basically “advertising” to someone else’s followers). This is more of a selfish reason, but it’s a fact that if you want more followers, guest blogging on someone else’s blog is a way to do that.
3. It’s a way of sharing. We have a big niche and a lot of fabulous bloggers in our mental health community. Though I have met some wonderful people, I will NEVER be able to read every single blog post written by every single mental health writer. Guest bloggers help us introduce each other to, weeeellllll, each other. It’s a beautiful thing!
4. It builds others up. Imagine being an introvert like me and someone asking me to be a guest blogger?!?! It would give me an ego boost or certainly make me want to step my blogging up to the next level. If you notice that you’re having regular dialogue with those on your blog, ask them if they’d guest blog for you.
Go to their About page and find their email address, or just ask them for it. Send them a quick line asking them if you could write a post for them. It’ll probably be the start to a beautiful friendship. That’s good stuff!
5. It increases fraternal bonds. We deal with stigma in the mental health community. This strengthens our bonds with each other and gives us a support system. increasing the bonds of our niche, and just a nice way to get to know other bloggers and broaden each other’s horizons.
Who Can Guest Blog?
Some people may advertise it openly on their site. Others may not. Point is if you want to post on someone’s blog because you respect the information they put out, or whatever, you should ask them. The worst they can say is “no”. That’s a keeper rot thare!
“But I don’t have enough followers. Only 50 people are following me.” Uh, SO? It’s fun. Do it.