I Tried To Do What Was Right

25 Jul

Image showing child and two parents arguing.

The fracture of visitation


That word says it all for me.

It’s usually a battle. And I never look forward to it.

I’m ashamed that I feel myself withdraw from my daughter because the torture I go through with her mother over the issue.

It’s NOT right.

I know this.

I am a poor dad for doing so.

“I’m human”, I plead to the masses ready to lead me to the desert of retribution outside the city gates for crucifixion.

“It hurts too much.”

“It’s too much to take.”

And my resolve collapses.

Shame on me.

This week I made a small stride…

“D”(aughter) went to Florida with her mom for 10 days.

She was to return today to spend 10 days with me.

She called last night to ask if she could stay in Florida for another four days.

I told her “yes” and to enjoy herself.

Some Lessons I Learned-

1.   Humility. In the grand scheme of things, “D” is the Lord’s child, not mine. I am merely His earthly representative to guide His child on her earthly journey. This has helped make these valleys of mine, “easier” to traverse. It helps me put things in perspective.

I had to let go of my pride and focus not on what would hurt me, but what would glorify Him. 

This. Can. Be. A. Tough. Lesson.

2.   Selflessness. I had to put someone else’s desires above my own egocentric wants. Was it the right decision? Did it answer the question “What Would Jesus Do”? I have faith that it did.

3.   Anger.  I was able to harness my anger and resentment towards “D’s” mother. This is a struggle I have, thanks to my anger-based personality. Last night, I won in the gladiatorial arena.

4.   Spirit Strength. It was not my inner strength and resolve that enabled me to take the high road. I don’t have that strength.

I am a person of retribution and vengeance.

I have cruel intentions.

I am a person that crumbles to getting even rather than understanding.

Totally opposite of what Christianity teaches, right? Yes, you are correct.

That’s why this situation wasn’t resolved because of my intestinal fortitude. The only reason I was able to traverse this river of Styx was through the Holy Spirit’s power.

Thank you for reading this post, my friend. What are your thoughts and suggestions in this situation? Maybe we could be support buddies 🙂


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19 responses to “I Tried To Do What Was Right

  1. KatieComeBack

    07/25/2015 at 23:10

    It is so, so hard. You really have to step outside of it all and 100% do it all for your kids, and not take it personally. This on top of dealing with the ex and all of THOSE issues. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    • KatieComeBack

      07/25/2015 at 23:12

      I was going to add: Whatever you do, do NOT pull away or withdraw. Even if she seems to not want to be with you, she still needs you and your attention and love. (This gets tough when they’re teenagers….)

      Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/26/2015 at 21:04

      Thank you for your wise words, Katie’. X


  2. Ms. Ethel Duck

    07/25/2015 at 20:32

    I entered into a custody battle for my children years after their father and I divorced. He spewed words of hatred to my children about me all the time. I cannot tell you the heart-wrenching valley I walked through that time and visitations. At one point, my children did not even want to see me anymore. Through constant prayer and making sure I always did what was best for them. I KNEW God would one day open their eyes and their minds and restore our relationships and He did. I have the most wonderful and amazing relationships with my children today.

    You did the right thing in putting your daughter first no matter how painful it was. I’m sure you’ve read on my blog that this verse from the serenity prayer is what got me through so much:

    “Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will…”

    May you be blessed for doing so!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/25/2015 at 20:40

      I’m glad you and your children have a beautiful relationship, Ethel. Praises to you for your Faith. It takes a strong person to trust when everything is going against them and telling them how wrong they are. Yes, I’ve read your Serenity Prayer, too. Thank you for your always kind support, my friend. X

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Joe Butler

    07/25/2015 at 16:25

    Having only read this one post of yours, I’m unsure of how old your daughter is but rest assured that you have left her with a very valuable lesson on humility and selflessness. I have been an educator teaching fourth graders for ten years now and have seen the turmoil some of them go through when their parents do nothing but fight and disagree. I can’t presume to know how you feel because I’m in a wonderful marriage and get to be around my 8 year old daughter all the time, but I know that you are leaving your daughter a legacy of love that will not be forgotten.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/25/2015 at 17:45

      Thank you, Joe. She is 9 years old so very close to your daughter. So many times I have done the wrong thing so it is good to know that I’m making choices that will impact her positively. Thank you for taking your time to comment. I appreciate that you stopped by, my friend. X


  4. Tessa

    07/25/2015 at 13:50

    I was the parent with visitation rights. Every other weekend and during the summer. It was a long drive and we met in the middle. It sucked, but at 16 son decided he was not returning to his dad’s after the summer break. I ended up with my child after all. His dad was going to drag my mental health through the courts if I said no to his getting custody. Nice man, my ex.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/25/2015 at 17:47

      I am saddened to know you too had to endure this valley, Tessa, but the end result speaks for itself. I appreciate your openness and strength in sharing your story here. X

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tessa

        07/25/2015 at 18:27

        Yes I was patient and I got my son out of his choice. The ex was against it, but my son said you try and keep me and I will keep running away. He finally decided he had no choice in the matter. My son would have done it too. He said he would rather live with me and with no money, cable etc then with his father who did have all that. That says a lot to me.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. mistakenldy

    07/25/2015 at 12:36

    You did an absolutely amazing, selfless thing that every single parent should and is supposed to do my dear kind hearted friend. You are growing and have been clearly just in reading your posts. The mere fact that you were open-minded, that is enough to make God happy. Your beautiful little girl never, EVER has to doubt if her Daddy loves her and wants her to be happy and smile. No matter you harbor inside. She doesn’t see that through your actions. Keep up the path you are on because God knows this world needs more men & Fathers, not just Dads; exactly like this. You are showing a girl what it means to have a real Daddy, one that strives for her pretty little smile so she can grow up to be a unique and kind soul woman. THAT is what makes a difference in our world.
    mistaken’ X

    Liked by 2 people

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/25/2015 at 13:02

      Thank you for your kind and supportive words, mistaken’. We both know the HS is the only reason for this post. Your support is priceless, dear friend. XXXXX

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Amb

    07/25/2015 at 12:25

    It warmed my heart to see that you said yes to your daughter and on top of it, you confirmed to her that it was okay to want to spend those extra days there by telling her to have a good time. As a child that was constantly in the middle of her parents hatred for each other, I can tell you that it was an incredible sacrifice you just made. It’s so easy for parents that hate each other to make their children feel guilty for loving and wanting the other parent. Thanks for putting your child first!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Surviving the Specter

      07/25/2015 at 13:04

      Thank you, Amb. I appreciate your time in commenting. When her mother called me back (first phone “conversation” in a solid year), she wanted to make sure “D” had asked that it was alright. Before I hung up, I told her to have a good time. It was hard. But I was given strength to speak the words. X

      Liked by 2 people


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