I watched this 20″ video in my singles group at church. In it, Brene Brown talks about what it takes to live wholeheartedly.
What do we need to experience joy and the other positive aspects of life?
How do we lose ourselves to shame?
And why is vulnerability significant?
This is one of my favorite talks on relationships and the ideas I’ve listed below are the words of Brene Brown, which are taken from the video.
Why are we here? We are wired to be connected.
Shame (and Fear)
“Shame unravels connection.”
“I’m not good enough.”
Shame is the fear of disconnection. “If someone knows this about me I won’t be worthy of connection.”
It’s universal. Everyone has shame.
People who don’t have shame are incapable of human empathy and connection.
No one wants to talk about it. The more you have it the less you want to talk about it.
Excruciating Vulnerability (“Lean into the pain and discomfort”)
Vulnerability underpins shame.
In order for ourselves to be really seen, we have to be vulnerable.
Am I worthy enough?
Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. The inverse is also true.
Courage, Compassion, Connection, Vulnerability (or “the way the wholehearted live”)
♦ Courage – telling the story of who you are with your whole heart. Courageous people have the courage to be imperfect. Courage is different from bravery.
♦ Compassion – They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first and others second – we can’t be compassionate and kind to others if we can’t be the same way with ourselves first.
♦ Connection – the result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they are. The fear that we’re not worthy of connection prevents us from being connected.
♦ Vulnerability – they believe that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. Vulnerability is not comfortable but it is necessary. e.g., the willingness to say “I love you” first. “The willingness to do something when there are no guarantees.” “The willingness to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.”
We struggle with vulnerability.
♦ Numb – We numb vulnerability because being vulnerable is hard. e.g., initiating sex, admitting you’re wrong, saying I’m sorry… We can’t selectively numb emotions. When we numb vulnerability (or one of many emotions) we numb joy, gratitude, and happiness, etc.
♦ Why and how we numb – not just through addiction.
– “We make everything that is uncertain, certain.”
– “We perfect”.
– “We pretend”
To be kinder and gentler to others, we must be kinder and gentler to ourselves. We can do this by…
“Let ourselves be deeply and vulnerably seen.”
“To love with our whole hearts…even though there is no guarantee.”
“Practice gratitude and joy.”
“Believe that we are enough.”