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EMDR – Session 2 | Digging Up The Past

01 Jul

eye_001Last week I had my first EMDR session, and this week was my second. That’s Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing therapy.

Sorry, no juicy details to bring you all, but my therapist said I did really well.

Here’s what went down in therapy town-

Last week my homework was to remember what I could about the incident. My therapist wanted me to practice playing it like a video throughout the week and be able to talk to him about it when I came in.

Well I botched that up because I didn’t remember to do that at all. Guess I need the brand form of Adderall instead of the current generic I’m on.

Thilly Thquirlth.

So he gave me my headphones (which I had him crank the volume up on) and my magic vibrating pads – they’re shaped like flattened eggs…

Fleggs

Yeah, FLEGGS! Vibrating like little cheekons trying to get out.

So he had me make sure the noise emitters were matched up to the vibrating of the fleggs and that both the lefts went off at the same time, and the rights went off at the same time.

He also put a box of tissue by me.

All set.

We were locked and loaded;

Ready to go.

I gripped my fleggs like a Marine squad leader armed with his M-16A4 service rifle with M203 grenade launcher, and headed out into the deserts and wastelands of Therapystan.

My platoon sergeant had me replay the “video” in my head –

[standing in the basement with my dad and mom. Dad was holding my arm,telling me to drop my drawers]

beep/bzzzzzz

beep/bzzzzzz

[I felt the belt coming down across my naked hamstrings like a Roman flagellum]

beep/bzzzzzz

beep/bzzzzzz

[one…two…three…four…five…………………………….thirteen]

beep/bzzzzzz

beep/bzzzzzz

[Heard mom screaming, “He’s passing out, STOP IT!!! STOP IT”]

beep/bzzzzzz

beep/bzzzzzz

Platoon sergeant: “Ok, stop there. What do you see right now at this moment with your inner eye.”

Squad leader: (and I so wanted to say “dead people”) “I see a basement door.”

Platoon sergeant: “Ok. Pick up there and go with it.”

And so it went that way for about five more volleys…

I started to remember details about the basement that I hadn’t recalled for 20+ years.

The tool bench,

the window,

the rubber mat I was standing on,

my dad’s tools…

But I’ll admit that I started to drift.

I started to imagine the cemetery across the road. Yeah, the one we used to go snow sledding in and hit the gravestones, knocking the wind out of us.

I started to remember my elementary bus stop down the street  – an old bakery and how I lit a pack of matches on fire at the table. What a show! (My mom reads my posts so she’s probably finding things out about my childhood she never knew. Haha, sorry momma.)

I started to wonder if I was giving the right answers. Started second guessing myself.

After about 30 minutes, the platoon sergeant wrapped things up and told me he wanted me to put my dad and the anger inside a container.

I so wanted to tell him “That’s gonna be a little hard, dude!” But I digress.

Then he told me to put that container inside another, stronger container. I’m guessing this was to make me feel safe and to give me some measure of comfort when I left.

A way to prevent any unforeseen casualties of war from any anti personnel or vehicle-borne improvised explosive devices.

He closed the session by telling me we would pick up from there next time and that I did really well.

Yay me.

How about you? Do you have any experiences with EMDR? I’d love to hear YOUR story. I’m looking forward to holding a dialogue with you in the Comments section. 

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7 responses to “EMDR – Session 2 | Digging Up The Past

  1. morgueticiaatoms

    07/02/2015 at 11:07

    I have this trick of my own when I start boiling over from the past…I picture a bright red balloon on a string. And I stick all the icky stuff inside and let it go.
    Now…$250 please and keep your fleggs! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

     
  2. Dan

    07/02/2015 at 07:41

    Wow! I’m kinda freaking out right now. My therapist and I started using EMDR therapy towards the end of last year. I was aware of the thing that she knew I was holding inside me, but I wouldn’t accept it. I had sworn that I would never tell another living soul in my entire life and I would never admit it to myself. As we did the EMDR therapy I got ‘stuck’. My mind would not move past this particular trauma, but I could not and would not verbalise it. After several weeks I realised that if I am going to get better I needed to accept that I am here, in treatment, for myself. I’m not here to please my therapist (now if that’s not co-dependency, I don’t know what is lol). I also realised that if I’m ever going to really trust anyone in this world, ever, then I might as well start here, with her. After all, this was all confidential, so the only person who was going to be affected by the consequences was me.

    I released my shame upon the world and nothing happen. It didn’t end. In fact my world started to get a whole lot better, slowly.

    Since then we’ve stopped doing the EMDR but I’ve continue with the double sessions of talking therapy and have found that I can now accept and discuss things that I never thought possible.

    I hope you find what you are looking for from your EMDR therapy. It made me realised that all the answers I had ever been looking for, weren’t out there, they were in here (inside me) all alone. I just needed to accept myself.

    I love you buddy. Peace be with you

    Like

     
    • Surviving the Specter

      07/03/2015 at 23:02

      Dan, this IS trippy! But it’s cool to know that another reader whom I also follow has been through the same therapy that I am beginning myself. Thank you for your loving support. Love you, too my bruthah.

      “After several weeks I realised that if I am going to get better I needed to accept that I am here, in treatment, for myself. I’m not here to please my therapist” – Such a brave realization!

      “I released my shame upon the world and nothing happen.” – Shame is SO very hard to release, my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Dan

        07/04/2015 at 18:32

        Thanks my friend. I’m finding that recovery is simple, but it ain’t easy!

        I recently decided to alter my perception on shame: “There is no shame in honesty, only dishonesty.” I’m was only lying to myself, right, and look where that got me lol. Be brave and let yourself love yourself. The only judgement ever cast upon you that ever matters is your own. You cannot feel shame for what you accept to be true.

        Liked by 1 person

         
  3. gingersnap74

    07/01/2015 at 23:43

    What? No screeching monkeys this time?! 😉
    Very interesting! I’m looking forward to the next post about this. Good progress!!

    Like

     

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