Tonight’s Midweek gathering at my church was a little more intense than usual. We talked about how we focus on what other people think about us, and not what God says about us.
Won’t get into the discussion…gonna save you from the 2,000 word post for this evening. We closed the group like we usually do, with our leaders asking for prayers from everyone.
It was my turn. Oh boy. I usually keep quite, but I spoke out that I needed prayers. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the past several months and have turned to alcohol on a regular basis. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be drinking because of the interactions with the medicine. It is what it is. After I spoke, everyone immediately stood up around me and laid there hands on me while our elder Scottish gentleman led the group in prayer for my struggles.
I was humbled. I teared up.
When we let out, I (ironically) felt worse than before – that’s when Specter slashed. I felt like a dam of crying was going to explode. I kept thinking of hanging myself when I got home. That it would only be about 30 minutes until it was all over and I would have eternal peace.
One of my pastors caught me in our bistro area while I was trying to avoid people and we talked for about 20 minutes. He’s a kind and caring person. He’s the kind of Christian I want to be.
One of our group leaders came and talked to me after that about the impact of my diet on my mental health. She’s another believer whom I’d like to emulate – so kind and compassionate.
They both went out of their way to cater to my needs though they would never admit it. They are so very humble. I was humble enough to except their graciousness.
I am surrounded by good people.
I am thankful.
They saved my life tonight and they don’t even know it.