A little reminder from Specter. (Trigger Warning)

03 Jun

[Trigger Warning]

Tonight’s Midweek gathering at my church was a little more intense than usual. We talked about how we focus on what other people think about us, and not what God says about us.

Won’t get into the discussion…gonna save you from the 2,000 word post for this evening. We closed the group like we usually do, with our leaders asking for prayers from everyone.

It was my turn. Oh boy. I usually keep quite, but I spoke out that I needed prayers. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the past several months and have turned to alcohol on a regular basis. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be drinking because of the interactions with the medicine. It is what it is. After I spoke, everyone immediately stood up around me and laid there hands on me while our elder Scottish gentleman led the group in prayer for my struggles.

I was humbled. I teared up.

When we let out, I (ironically) felt worse than before – that’s when Specter slashed. I felt like a dam of crying was going to explode. I kept thinking of hanging myself when I got home. That it would only be about 30 minutes until it was all over and I would have eternal peace.

One of my pastors caught me in our bistro area while I was trying to avoid people and we talked for about 20 minutes. He’s a kind and caring person. He’s the kind of Christian I want to be.

One of our group leaders came and talked to me after that about the impact of my diet on my mental health. She’s another believer whom I’d like to emulate – so kind and compassionate.

They both went out of their way to cater to my needs though they would never admit it. They are so very humble. I was humble enough to except their graciousness.

I am surrounded by good people.

I am thankful.

They saved my life tonight and they don’t even know it.


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10 responses to “A little reminder from Specter. (Trigger Warning)

  1. Tessa

    06/04/2015 at 15:22

    I am glad that they saved your life. You would be missed and it sounds like a caring group you have there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. houck52

    06/04/2015 at 09:49

    Chris…you are a creation of God…the most High…in his image! You have gifts and strengths to offer this wayward world today! He has bestowed you with love, imagination, the gift of sharing, being present in the moment. Your thoughts although dark can be captured and rebuked. As they occur say out loud some scripture…tell yourself you are worthy, you have life in him…you do not stand alone. People do care…some are too timid to say so but will go home and pray you up like none other…we all have our faults…we are tainted…but we get up the next day and try again to be holy….you will too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      06/04/2015 at 17:32

      Thank you for your kind words, Deb. Thank you for being there for me and for being such a caring servant. I am fortunate to have you in my support network. x


  3. the-reluctant-parent

    06/04/2015 at 01:05

    I know from experience that the people who are most helpful are the ones who don’t even try to be. they just do what needs to be done because it comes natural to them. there’s no façade or no faking it and the people who helped you tonight seem like the real deal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      06/04/2015 at 17:31

      They are quite a wonderful group of folks. Even with their own problems they show kindness and are giving beyond words.


  4. peggyricewi

    06/03/2015 at 23:06

    I’m so glad that you let Jesus comfort you through those people. Specter wants you to think it’s you, but it’s not, it’s the depression. And fighting it alone is exhausting. I’m glad they were there to help, and that you asked for help and then you were willing to receive it.Thank You, God, for the body of Christ!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      06/04/2015 at 17:06

      Thank you for your kind compliments peggy’. They are a great group of people. A humble group of folks that know they are imperfect too. They are always there to comfort myself and others with their kindness. Amen!


  5. morgueticiaatoms

    06/03/2015 at 22:56

    I sometimes envy your faith, even if religion is at odds with my core beliefs. I am glad someone is there for you. I wish you only the best, and with specter, I know what a challenge it is to stay in a good place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Surviving the Specter

      06/04/2015 at 17:02

      Thank you, Niki. I’ve really fallen into a good church – we like to call it a hospital because of all the brokenness that a majority of the folks there have experienced and are still dealing with. It really put me on a good road to accepting that I’m loved even though I’m so so imperfect…that someone sees me as perfect in His eyes. That He doesn’t see the imperfections. THAT’S refreshing. Sometimes it’s all I have. I treasure having you as a friend and thank Him for bringing you into my life. You are a staunch supporter and a wise “sounding board”. Hugs guuuuurrrrrl xxxxxxxxxx



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