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My Season of Winter

22 Apr


I posted recently about seasons of life. We all have them in our lives. Just like the earth has seasons, we go through a Spring, Summer, Fall, and a Winter in our relationships, jobs, interests, and hobbies.

I’ve been trapped in winter.

no_mans_land

No Man’s Land – World War I

I’ve felt like this for the past several months. Just disheartened, unmotivated, and overwhelmed. The fog of war as I call it. That bleak place of a mental health No Man’s Land. Shell shocked. Gassed. Disoriented. Just going through the “e(xtra hard)-motions” of life that seem to be so forced.

I am really trying to be positive but it seems I’ve lost a zest for life. Not meaning I’m feeling suicidal. Just sapped of energy. Apathetic. Zombie-ish. I just don’t feel any motivation to do anything – read, walk the beach, blog, enjoy sunsets, laugh, joke, go camping, go fishing, create art, etc., etc., etc.

The things I’ve been able to do lately have been so forced. I’ve had to force myself to do the things I’ve just mentioned, instead of eating a bag of Doritos dipped in a tub of cream cheese (say yuck now , but you’ll be sold once you try it), plopping down on the couch, and watching a Red Box flick. But it’s a struggle to do so.

I don’t feel like going to church tonight. I just feel like going home and moping. I want to say it is the depression, but I get so tired of blaming it on the depression. ​

Why aren’t I happy? I try to blog about it hoping something will give, but my efforts are in vain with little emotional accomplishment and satisfaction. I have very little feelings of personal satisfaction lately.

I’m riding the storm out.

I’m taking the blows on the chin.

I’m feeling the burn, baby.

I don’t know when it will end but I’m trying to keep my chin up. Keeping your chin up for months at a time is challenging when you don’t feel like being around people…just being alone. Letting your chin down.  I don’t have the energy or the interest.

I just did an art show on Saturday and have decided to put the venture on hold for a while. A season if you will. Let it go while I let me fields lie fallow and replenish their nutrients.

What season are you in right now? What is keeping you there? How do you plan to move onto your next season?


 

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