RSS
Image

Triggers for my depression.

26 Feb
Triggers for my depression.

NOTE TO READERS: This post discusses alcohol and my suicide attempt. If these are triggers please do not continue reading. Thank you.

Thank you for taking your time to read this post. Whether it was curiosity, or you needed to know someone else is going through what you’re surviving through right now., thank you.

Question: What triggers your depression?

I’m learning what my triggers are. Some are common-sense, while others are covert. Here are the factors that I’ve found bring my depression to the surface. The items that cause Specter to inch out of the shadows and latch onto me, dragging me down into the quagmire.

1.  Not taking my medicine. This is the largest trigger that sets off my depression. I recently posted a journal entry while I hadn’t taken my Lexapro (Escitalopram) for three days. The image below shows what I believe to be my silver bullet : Lexapro (20 MG) + Abilify (2 MG). Not taking either part of the combination is bad, but feeling the effects of the lack of Lexapro is much worse. I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, but I did have a heightened emotional demeanor…teary-eyed from things that were spoken in the message in Sunday’s sermon…feeling the urge to cry when my daughter got up from the dinner table. Simple things that haven’t bothered me while I’ve been on this medication since my suicide attempt.

pills_001

2.  Resentment and anger. Emotions are the second largest trigger for my depression. The night I tried to end my life I remember calling my daughter three times at three different phone numbers. No answer. No answer. No answer. Was it her fault? No. Was it done intentionally? I don’t think so. Whatever it was, I internalized it and projected it onto her mother. Resentment crept in and was quickly followed by anger. Within 20 minutes the anger had turned into sadness and I started to cry. Feeling myself going down. Specter slashed at me. He made contact.

3.  Alcohol. This is the third trigger for my depression. When the sadness hit that night – when Specter reached out and slashed – I started to drink. Heavily. I filled a tumbler 3/4 of the way with 80 proof rum, then topped it off with Coke. I was done with that in about 7 minutes. By this point I was full-on crying. Except it was so “violent” and forceful that I don’t think you can call it crying. It was something else. The next thing I did was to make another drink and start taking sleeping pills. I “measured” and “set” the belt I fashioned into a noose on my doorknob. Then I wrote a final will and testament, which I put in my pocket. Then I attached myself to the noose and downed the remaining sleeping pills.

I feel the details here are necessary because they show the effects of the alcohol on not only my mood, but my thinking. As folks living with depression, we need to try our best to

keep

alcohol

out

of

our

system.

Alcohol is not just a depressant. It also negates the effects of the medicine we take as if we’re not taking any at all.

My hope is that by reading this you will identify your own triggers. This is a huge step. It may also be the hardest step. When we get real with ourselves, we help ourselves. We empower ourselves. My triggers may not be your triggers so it is important to know what yours are. Discover what your triggers are by:

  • Journaling
  • Reviewing your journal entries
  • Tracking your moods (use a simple chart in Excel)
  • Asking your psychologist for a psychological assessment (my assessments included: clinical interview, review of records, behavioral observations, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory – 2nd edition (MMPI-2), Rorschach Test, and Incomplete Sentences Blank (ISB))
  • Asking those who know your history and what you struggle with

So what are the triggers that bring your depression to the surface? What makes your depression worse?

I’m looking forward to discussing your responses. Thank you for your courage in sharing. May peace come to you in your valley.

-Chris

Advertisements
 
3 Comments

Posted by on 02/26/2015 in Depression, Triggers

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Triggers for my depression.

  1. Paul Falcone

    02/26/2015 at 14:28

    Thanks for sharing this Chris, it’s great to see you trying to connect with people and make something out of such a dark period of your life. Living with depression myself, it often gets hard to control the feelings and like yourself I began to realize what my own triggers were. Being self aware when in those lows in extremely difficult, but important to keep in the back of your head to make progress. It’s great to see you on the path to doing so, keep at it. Know that you are not alone and you are loved.

    I run a blog about mental illness called “Dear Hope”, join the community here: wemustbebroken.wordpress.com

    Like

     
    • Surviving the Specter

      02/26/2015 at 15:21

      Thank you for the supportive words, Paul. I’ve followed your blog and am looking forward to your posts. Amen to making progress!

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Paul Falcone

        02/26/2015 at 16:58

        thanks so much Chris, gave you a follow back as well. Ditto on the posts, amen to progress!

        Liked by 1 person

         

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
Land of Oyr

Εpic Fantasy

Making Maps: DIY Cartography

Resources and Ideas for Making Maps

Astrographer

Gathering a Community of Worldbuilders

The Wild Heart of Life

"He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life." ...James Joyce

Dyson's Dodecahedron

Award Winning Dungeon Design

Fantasy In Motion

Live by the pen, die by the sword...

The Cool Mama

Adventures in art and design

ars phantasia

reflections on fantasy cartography & game design

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

Slay Girl Society

A website for people who want to thrive with positive mental health. Created by a woman with bipolar disorder.

Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi

flashlight batteries

Poetry: Emergency lighting for times of darkness and fear

SUMMER STARTS TO SHINE

Writer. Doodler. Trauma Survivor. Inspirer. Influencer.💛 Honest, raw, no-filter blogging; typed straight from my sensitive heart 💛💛💛

Lucky Rabbit's Foot

... not so lucky for the rabbit!

Owning It

Claiming boyhood, staring down sexual abuse

Vitality

The Power Of Enduring

English-Language Thoughts

English-Language Thoughts

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Sound Bite Fiction

where nothing is quite what it seems

Discover

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

irevuo

art. popular since 10,000 BC

From the Darkness into the Sunshine

sexual abuse,survivor,healing

The Cotswold Company Blog

Country Inspired Furniture

Lynn Thaler

Weird and Random Thoughts

Crown Print

a book blog

Speak Out Society

Speak up, even if your voice shakes.

ribbonrx

Raising Awareness About Life

autismthoughts

My experiences with autism, depression, and life

A Mental Health Blog by Al Levin

Men & Depression, Suicide Prevention & Awareness, Mental Illness Stigma, & Our Broken Mental Health System

tenacitytdotcom

PIECES OF ME...

Br Andrew's Muses

From head to pen - A great WordPress.com site

Anonymously Autistic

#ActuallyAutistic - An Aspie obsessed with writing. This site is intend to inspire through sharing stories & experiences. The opinions of the writers are their own. I am just an Autistic woman - NOT a medical professional.

thedrabble.wordpress.com/

Shortness of Breadth

Two Angels and a Black Dog

The journey of a single mum with bipolar

HarsH ReaLiTy

A Good Blog is Hard to Find

Fusion_Beats 👽

Scribbling the words floating in front, Fusion beats along a burning blunt. 👽

Truth Vindicator

Liberating truth and free thought with words of wisdom, wit and wonder

Soul Joy

Learning To Live A Life of Purpose to bring Joy to my Soul and Yours

Joys of Joel

The Poetry of My Life through My Writings and Journeys

Someday Tomorrow

On a journey to a happier place

%d bloggers like this: