Triggers for my depression.

26 Feb
Triggers for my depression.

NOTE TO READERS: This post discusses alcohol and my suicide attempt. If these are triggers please do not continue reading. Thank you.

Thank you for taking your time to read this post. Whether it was curiosity, or you needed to know someone else is going through what you’re surviving through right now., thank you.

Question: What triggers your depression?

I’m learning what my triggers are. Some are common-sense, while others are covert. Here are the factors that I’ve found bring my depression to the surface. The items that cause Specter to inch out of the shadows and latch onto me, dragging me down into the quagmire.

1.  Not taking my medicine. This is the largest trigger that sets off my depression. I recently posted a journal entry while I hadn’t taken my Lexapro (Escitalopram) for three days. The image below shows what I believe to be my silver bullet : Lexapro (20 MG) + Abilify (2 MG). Not taking either part of the combination is bad, but feeling the effects of the lack of Lexapro is much worse. I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, but I did have a heightened emotional demeanor…teary-eyed from things that were spoken in the message in Sunday’s sermon…feeling the urge to cry when my daughter got up from the dinner table. Simple things that haven’t bothered me while I’ve been on this medication since my suicide attempt.


2.  Resentment and anger. Emotions are the second largest trigger for my depression. The night I tried to end my life I remember calling my daughter three times at three different phone numbers. No answer. No answer. No answer. Was it her fault? No. Was it done intentionally? I don’t think so. Whatever it was, I internalized it and projected it onto her mother. Resentment crept in and was quickly followed by anger. Within 20 minutes the anger had turned into sadness and I started to cry. Feeling myself going down. Specter slashed at me. He made contact.

3.  Alcohol. This is the third trigger for my depression. When the sadness hit that night – when Specter reached out and slashed – I started to drink. Heavily. I filled a tumbler 3/4 of the way with 80 proof rum, then topped it off with Coke. I was done with that in about 7 minutes. By this point I was full-on crying. Except it was so “violent” and forceful that I don’t think you can call it crying. It was something else. The next thing I did was to make another drink and start taking sleeping pills. I “measured” and “set” the belt I fashioned into a noose on my doorknob. Then I wrote a final will and testament, which I put in my pocket. Then I attached myself to the noose and downed the remaining sleeping pills.

I feel the details here are necessary because they show the effects of the alcohol on not only my mood, but my thinking. As folks living with depression, we need to try our best to







Alcohol is not just a depressant. It also negates the effects of the medicine we take as if we’re not taking any at all.

My hope is that by reading this you will identify your own triggers. This is a huge step. It may also be the hardest step. When we get real with ourselves, we help ourselves. We empower ourselves. My triggers may not be your triggers so it is important to know what yours are. Discover what your triggers are by:

  • Journaling
  • Reviewing your journal entries
  • Tracking your moods (use a simple chart in Excel)
  • Asking your psychologist for a psychological assessment (my assessments included: clinical interview, review of records, behavioral observations, Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory – 2nd edition (MMPI-2), Rorschach Test, and Incomplete Sentences Blank (ISB))
  • Asking those who know your history and what you struggle with

So what are the triggers that bring your depression to the surface? What makes your depression worse?

I’m looking forward to discussing your responses. Thank you for your courage in sharing. May peace come to you in your valley.



Posted by on 02/26/2015 in Depression, Triggers


Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Triggers for my depression.

  1. Paul Falcone

    02/26/2015 at 14:28

    Thanks for sharing this Chris, it’s great to see you trying to connect with people and make something out of such a dark period of your life. Living with depression myself, it often gets hard to control the feelings and like yourself I began to realize what my own triggers were. Being self aware when in those lows in extremely difficult, but important to keep in the back of your head to make progress. It’s great to see you on the path to doing so, keep at it. Know that you are not alone and you are loved.

    I run a blog about mental illness called “Dear Hope”, join the community here:


    • Surviving the Specter

      02/26/2015 at 15:21

      Thank you for the supportive words, Paul. I’ve followed your blog and am looking forward to your posts. Amen to making progress!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Paul Falcone

        02/26/2015 at 16:58

        thanks so much Chris, gave you a follow back as well. Ditto on the posts, amen to progress!

        Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Fantasy Author's Handbook

Advice for authors of fantasy, science fiction, and horror

Nicholas C. Rossis

Award-winning, dream-protecting author

The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

A Collaborative Mental Health Blog


Life hacks, fashion and beauty tips, photography, health gyan, poetry and heartfelt musings about everything and anything under the sun!

Grace The Nurse

Health Educator for the New Millenium

Inner-Missions PLLC

"A Journey of Self-Discovery: Remembering Who You Are"

Land of Oyr

The home of Εpic Fantasy world by author Viel Nast, information about upcoming books, history of Land of Oyr, Epic Metal, Epic books and more!

Making Maps: DIY Cartography

Resources and Ideas for Making Maps


Gathering a Community of Worldbuilders

The Wild Heart of Life

Creative Nonfiction & Poetry

Dyson's Dodecahedron

Award Winning Dungeon Design

Fantasy In Motion

Live by the pen, die by the sword...

The Cool Mama

Adventures in gaming

ars phantasia

reflections on fantasy cartography & game design

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

Kristen Lamb

Author, Blogger, Social Media Jedi

flashlight batteries - Ali Grimshaw

writing circles & poetry to keep your light on

Lucky Rabbit's Foot

... not so lucky for the rabbit!

Owning It

Claiming boyhood, staring down sexual abuse. © Brian Dennis 2019


some scars can’t be seen

English-Language Thoughts

English-Language Thoughts

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

Sound Bite Fiction

where nothing is quite what it seems

Discover WordPress

A daily selection of the best content published on WordPress, collected for you by humans who love to read.

From the Darkness into the Sunshine

sexual abuse,survivor,healing,life as whole

The Cotswold Company Blog

The Cotswold Company Blog, inspiring homes with beautiful furniture and interior design ideas.

Lynn Thaler

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way that its animals are treated." (Ghandi)

Crown Print

a book blog

Speak Out Society

Speak up, even if your voice shakes.


Raising Awareness About Life


My experiences with autism, depression, and life

Al Levin's Mental Health Website

From Podcasting to Blogging to Public Speaking and Coaching...


Br Andrew's Muses

From head to pen - A great site

Shortness of Breadth

Two Angels and a Black Dog

The journey of a single mum with bipolar

Tanushree Karmakar


Truth Vindicator

Liberating truth and free thought with words of wisdom, wit and wonder

Joys of Joel

The Poetry of My Life through My Writings and Journeys

Someday Tomorrow

On a journey to a happier place

%d bloggers like this: