NOTE: This video shows images of suicide. Please do not watch if this is a trigger. This post deals with my personal experience with suicide. Please do not read it if this is a trigger.
On September 14th, 2014 I hanged myself from a doorknob. Specter had crept out of the dark corner of my life, and slashed. This was the song I placed on repeat and turned up as loud as I could while I was slipping away.
Once I was released from the psychiatric unit I watched the video. I saw that there was an inspiring message. If you are able to watch the video in its entirety you will see the same. And that hopeful message is the power of one person’s selfless act of noticing you. Noticing US. My friends, every human being needs to be noticed. Just the act of softly saying to someone, “I saw you sitting here and felt an urge to ask you how you were doing” could potentially give that person the glimmer of hope they may need at that very time. That little two second statement could ensure the rest of their life.
True, there is a comfort factor in being able to do this. But also a courage factor. Knowing what WE feel like when Specter’s teeth are glistening and his claws are scratching into our cellophane soul, how many times have we kept walking past someone we’ve felt may be feeling the same way? Someone that’s in the darkest loneliness of their life? Someone who is holding concrete blocks…and sinking? We’ll probably never know about that person…what happened after we left…if they were at the ledge…or if they were just pondering life.
We are a collective community of survivors. Battle-hardened veterans of the wasteland of mental well-being. We must try to pick up our fallen friends and fight for them. Carry them when their legs have been cut off and the most they can do is drag themselves through the dirt.
We may not have this courage all the time. Some of us may not be able to muster that strength at this point in our life. Not right now. That is alright. Some of our brothers and sisters may not be able to emotionally extend any further because their fight is too great in the here and now. That is alright. Maybe later?
But some of us are able to muster that courage of the soul. Some of us are at a place where we can pick up our battle buddy’s gear, sling them over our shoulder, and fireman carry them through the quagmire into a place where the chaotic sounds of battle are a little less intense.
If we are capable, we must push ourselves to that point. We are courageous because of the daily torture we endure. Because we squint through the grey veil that has descended over our lives. Because we summon the strength to extend past the borders of our bed and get dressed…go to work…endure a seemingly trivial day to someone else. This takes every measurement of deliberate and forced strength. Sometimes we achieve it. Sometimes we don’t. We’re perfectly imperfect, and that’s perfectly okay. We’ll have our days. But we think long term. We endure. We survive.
Are you at a point where your courage could be the power of one? Will you share a time when you used that power? Will you take the challenge before the week ends?
Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts. Peace be with you through your valley, friend.